Neverland

If you watched Peter Pan, you must know Neverland. It's an island where everybody who lives there never get old. They are always youthful, yet never grow up. That's the bad part of it.

It's been quite a long time since the last time I wrote this blog. Many things have changed. I have changed. My perspective changed. One thing is still the same... I am still single =P

Tomorrow is my 33 birthday. I wish it never comes. I wish I could fly to Neverland and changed myself into Tinker Bell.

I pity myself for being 33 and single. Why shouldn't I? 99% of my friends are younger than me, 99% of male population around me are younger than me, and it seems that i have no hope at all to fall in love. Tsk tsk tsk.. poor me.. =(

The weird thing is I have received a complain from a friend. She said I am not desperate enough. She said I am too care-free. Gee.. what should I do? Do I have to put a sign:ON SALE. 70% OFF. or something??

I've tried though. I even tried the internet love connection, which cost me lots of dollars which gave no results (and I don't think I want to pay again in dollars for that). Well, except I got one pen friend though, which I haven't been in touch lately. I tried the make-over thing. I tried the making new friends thing. Hmm..

There were time when I thought something is wrong with me. Yes, you tend to condemn yourself when you're at my shoe. You even tend to hate God for being unfair to you. Yet, for my wonder.. I haven't given up hope.

I am beautifully and wonderfully made. No matter what.(I am sweet and cute though. Really. Swear to God, I really am ^ ^) However unconvincing the situation might seem. I have so many things I want to say, but I seem to lose words. Anyway, if you're single like me, and need to share stories.. please feel free to give me your comment and email.

one sad day

Something sad has happened.

One of my students died. On last Wednesday morning. A very tragic event. The whole family dies in a house fire. Nine people died, they couldn’t escape the fire and trapped inside the house. You must have seen the news in the newspaper and TV.

When I was told, I was shocked and sad.. I cried and cried… in front of the teachers. But I couldn’t be not crying. His name is Eben. Only 5 years old. The first time I met him, I have fallen in love with him, because he liked to smile to me. He likes to dance while singing, and very smart. It’s been only 4 weeks with him but I can’t help feeling lost…

I’m okay now. It’s just when I think of him.. something aching in my heart. If I imagine how he died, I just can’t stand it…

In spite of what have happened.. I thank God, that the whole family are in heaven now. They are people this world is not worthy to have. It’s better for them to be in heaven.Despite of how they died, I believe God is good all the time. Perhaps when the fire burned them,they didn’t feel the pain.. nothing is impossible for Him!

Know what.. just a day before he died…I’m glad I have made him happy. Usually I assign one kid to hold a traffic light when the kids made a line to go to the chapel and class. Everyone will get a turn and Eben has been wanting to be the “policeman”. At on that day, I chose him (because I know he’s been enthusiastic about it). He was so happy and proud! I hold his hands walking with me in front and he said, “Miss, don’t touch my hand..” I asked why. He said, “because my hand is dirty.. I just wiped my nose with it..”

And I took a picture of him and his friends when they sang and danced. On that day, I just felt something special about him… that I want to express my love to him.

I have made a right choice. Because the next morning, he has gone.. forever.

I learn a very important lesson… when it’s in the power of our hands to do something good or to show love to someone, do not withhold it until tomorrow. Do it now. Today. Never procrastinate to give good things and express your love. You’ll never know what will happen. On the next day, maybe someone you love will not be with you anymore…

the kindergarten cop =p

My first day as a kindergarten teacher…
GOSH!!! It was a disaster!!! Just at the time I arrived, I was welcomed by crying children.. not just 1 but 2! At that time I was thinking,”Oh GOD! Am I making a wrong choice here??! Maybe tomorrow I should just resign!”

But that’s what I’ve been wanting for all these years, I couldn’t give up just like that! Or was I making a wrong choice?

One week has passed. Two weeks. Four weeks…
I LOVE being a kindergarten teacher! I have fallen in love with the kids ^ ^ Yes, it is not easy as I think. It requires so much strength to be a kindergarten teacher! But as the weeks went by… I have been enjoying it. And I was so occupied, busy and tired that I don’t have time to think of my singleness! Hahaha…=P

Seeing the wonders in those little children’s eyes, listening to their unending curious questions, hugging their small cute bodies, holding their little chubby hands, playing with them, …I realize what I’m doing here is making a difference in their lives.

Decision, decision, decision...

Whiuh! It's been a looon loooong time since the last time i wrote this blog! Life has been so busy and there have been manymany things happened since then.

Hmmm... anyway, i'm still jomblo =P

And i have done something i think is such a BIG step! I've resigned from my advertising job, and have decided to pursue my dreams.. as a writer. Can you believe it?? I let go off my comfortable job with high payment, just like that..

Although i know this is what i dream of, but there is still some fear inside to really jump. But if it's not now, it will never be...

anyway, i've been a freelance writer for sometimes... and now i will focus on it. focus is very important, coz you'll never accomplish anything if you don;t focus on one thing. believe me, i've been through it these past months, and it was HARD!

i want so many things in life! i wanna be a writer, a movie maker, a kindergarten teacher, a designer... i have tried to fit those into my life, but i failed. so i guess i have to do it step by step. i am not a wonder woman. so this is what i should do.. focus on one thing, do my best, and i'll be success.

there are 2 types of people, my friend said. ones are those who work for the sake of earning lots of money, ones are those who work for the sake of self fullfilment. and i am type 2. but again, i know money isn't everything but everything needs money. so i can't be so naively do whatever i want without thinking of others.

but i thank GOD that He's opened ways for me to pursue my dreams. He gave me this writing career opportunity, and i'm currently learning mandarin, and i might be able to open my own kindergarten someday! =) well yeah, of course, one thing at a time...

hooray!

I have definitely changed.

I used to be a person who didn't want to argue, or put myself in an uncomfortable spot. I loved to be in peace with everybody. I was everybody's friend and everybody was my friend. I wouldn't hurt anybody's feeling or confront them directly. I was Miss Nice. And stupid i might say. Coz i let myself be controlled by others in order to avoid conflicts. I let others fool me, since i was so naive... i believed everything people told me!

Now things have changed a bit.

I ordered a bihun kangkung for lunch in a food court lately. The bihun tasted weird, bau apek! The "old me" would just ignore it and let it go. Not this time. I went to the counter and made my complain, nicely and politely. I deserved a better lunch, I've paid for it. They offered to replace it. If i was just be quiet, i would have lost my right! Anyway i did a good thing for them, because other people might buy the bihun and their restaurant's good name would be ruined.

Yesterday i went to Plaza Semanggi. I was in front of the lobby where cars suppose to stop and drop off their passenger. A taxi driver was impatiently honking me at the back... I walked down, stopped for a moment to look at the impolite taxi driver (it was blur though coz of the window reflection), giving him the "CAN'T YOU QUEUE AND BE PATIENT !" look, then walked away with my head up high... =P

There's this one co-worker of mine who has been getting on my nerve, coz she's been acting like the BOSS, and telling my team members what to do. Most people think that too, not just me. One day she really made me day, so icame to her and bluntly said in front of her face, "That's my job to do that. Mind your own business!" Wheuh, that felt good to see her sheepishly dissapear...

Well, what i'm trying to say is that i've learned to stand up for myself. I gotta be strong and courageous to live my own life. When i don't like something, i say it. When i don't like what someone's doing/saying, i say it. I like being straightforward. Some people might not like it... but well,it's impossible to please everybody! Just being myself is the happiest moment of my life.

I've found another side of me i've never known before. The strong side yet also vulnerable. I always like being honest, i hate hypocrites who flatter with their lips. I might be simple, calm, and friendly... but i won't let anybody mess with me =P

I have found an energy to fight for what i deserve (hmm.. where's that energy come from, by the way? I wonder...) I won't settle for less. I want only the best. Coz i deserve it, EVERYBODY deserves the best and to be treated right. It's the matter of whether we want to be bold and pursue it or not.

The Confession of A 30-year-old

"You wanna learn mandarin in china? What for???!"

"Don't wear that hat! You look like an ABG!"

"Stop making faces and behave like your age!"

I HATE THAT WHEN PEOPLE TOLD ME SUCH THINGS. I WILL DO WHATEVER I WANT, WEAR WHATEVER I WANT, AND BE CRAZY WHATEVER I WANT.

I confess to the whole world that i am a teenager inside. I'm child-like, but not childish. I have young spirit to soar like an eagle. I'm so enthusiastic about reaching to the stars and seeing the world. I wanna be expressive as wild as i can be. Yet i'm such a simple minded little girl. A dreamer with imaginations, who is eager to make her dreams come true. I can't help it being so young at heart! I don't care if people say i am weird.

I look good wearing a hat. I have people compliment me. So what the heck of people who say it's not suitable for a 30- year -old! Unless it really looks terrible on me... i won't wear it at all! But i DO LOOK GOOD with it.

I'm so darn cute with what i wear, so what if i look like a teenager or a 20-year-old? I DO LOOK YOUNG and PROUD OF IT. It's not that i look awful. I LOOK GOOD! So who cares about what others say?? (perhaps they are just envy coz they don't have the nerve and the confident.. hhuahuahuahue =P )

I enjoy making faces when someone take my pic, go to Dunia Fantasi, eat ice cream and hopping like a little girl, be free-spirited , have my own fun, ... HAPPYAYAYA! Is something wrong with that? Sometimes i feel like a 13-year-old in the body of a 30.. hehehhe (anyone watch the movie yet?) Perhaps i should change my birth ceritificate... =P

So what if i wanna go to China to learn mandarin? Is being 30 too old to do that? People tend to have this narrow mind that when you're 30, you should just "settle down", wait for the right guy to come along, be bored by your ordinary life, get married, and then you can live happily ever after. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO-NO. As i've always said, the time to be happy is NOW, doesn't affected by a guy or marriage or others circumstances.

I used to think i would be happy when i have a boyfriend. So i understand about single girls who got so desperate and lonely. Been there, done that. Til i finally found my unique self and what i really wants. I found my life purpose =) that have made a major difference! My life purpose is to plant a good seed with what i have. It always makes me sooo happy when i can invest something in others' lives, and seeing their perspective changed into better. It fels so good when others got blessed by what i've created. And that's what i'm doing by being a writer.

Writing is my passion. And i'm in the process of making that passion to be fruitful. So i always say to my single girl friends: "What's life mean for you? What's your dreams, passion? What do you want in life?" That's the key to have a satisfied, fulfilling life... with or without a guy. Coz we're not created just to meet a guy, fall in love, and get married. We're created for a higher purpose. And that's what we gotta find... or our lives will be miserable!

I'm not saying that i'm already successful in living my life to the fullest. No. I'm just starting. "A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step" (A Chinese Proverb). I just found that writing is what i wanna do, and start from there. In fact, i just started to write this blog, just started to write again after a long vacuum.. sending my short stories to magazines, etc. I just took my first step =)

I hope all my single girl friends will do the same, coz we deserve TO BE HAPPY.

Me, her, and him

Wanna hear a funny tragic real story?

It was a nice fine day when i met George (not a real name)...a dark, tall, handsome guy. I found out that he went to a gathering in this one place i used to go, so i decided to go there in case i would get a chance to know him.

Since i was a veryveryvery nice person, i asked one of my single friends, Hilda (not a real name), to come along. She's a great person and i wanted her to have a chance to meet some guys too. I thought: "Perhaps Hilda would find a nice guy there too..." So there we were... maybe you can already guess, that it turned out that George was more interested in Hilda! Who wouldn't be? She was slim like a model, with a pretty porcelain-skin face, and very feminine! I must be looking like a "dayang-dayang" standing beside a royal princess.... =P well, that's how i felt that time. NOT anymore now...

He smiled to her, asked her mobile number (he asked mine too afterwards.. maybe just for being polite), asked her questions to know her better...For my surprise, the next day he called me. Guess what did he want? He asked me to go out for lunch! "...hmmm, but it's okay right that we ask Hilda to come along too?" he said. HAH! I knew it. I was just being used as a mediator =(

SOoo... i learned my lesson hard that day. DO NOT ASK YOUR PRETTY GORGEOUS FRIEND TO COME ALONG WITH YOU WHEN YOU WANNA MEET A GUY YOU'RE INTERESTED IN! You can introduce them afterward when he's already yours.. hehhehe. Or when he's definitely not interested in you. I always thought that me and George might have a better chance if i wasn't so stupidly nice by asking her to come along.

Oh by the way, George didn't get Hilda either... he's not her type.

just a letter

this is an email i just wrote to my friend. she just had a bad experience with a guy. she has the same struggle most single gals have... all the peer and family pressures, the waiting,etc. what i wrote to her is what i told myself as well, so this is what i wrote:

"cowok kayak gitu mah sama sekali gak WORTH iT! itu cuma alasan aja... emang dasarnya dia gak tertarik untuk suatu hubungan yg serius sama kita. (btw, that guy has hurt her for some stupid reason)

gua percaya kalo tuhan peduli kok soal calon pasangan kita. biarpun gua sering juga pernah gak pede dan berpikir Tuhan itu gak care about this thing, tahunya cuman mau disembah dan dipuji doang. tapi gua udah tahu sekarang kalo itu gak bener. dia care banget kok soal ini. dan dia gak akan nunda-nunda kasiih ke kita. cuma kitanya aja yg berpikiran waktunya lama, karna tertekan oleh pendapat orang soal umur, dsb. gua belajar untuk trust aja deh. abis mau ngapain lagi? cuman trust aja, dan gua do waht i can untuk enjoy hari2 gua.

kalo lu baca di diary gua di http://jomblo_life.blogspot.com/ (hehee.. boleh donk sekalian promosi?) di situ gua bilang kalo gua baru aja nemuin diri sendiri en apa yg dua mau saat gua 30 tahun. dan gua gak neyesel tuh belom married sekarang. kalo udah,pasti gak akan bisa seenjoy ini. gua nemuin potensi2 diri yang gua mesti kembangin. gua punya tujuan yang mau gua capai, en sekarang gua mulai nulis2 lagi. belajar mandarin, bahkan kalo jadi.. taon depan mau ke taiwan or shanghai. hehehe

kita mesti take the responsibility for ourself to be happy. gak harus tergantung ama cowok doang. kan tuhan ciptain kita buat His purpose, bukan for "him" (huruf kecil). gua percaya tuhan juga ngerti kok kebutuhan ktia buat diperhatiin en disayang, pasti deh pada waktu yg tepat, Dia bakal pertemuin. never lose your faith en hope in Him just because of this thing. sumber bahagia kan dari Dia kan? so trust Him to bring that happiness to you... with or without a guy at this moment.

find what makes you happy and do it. bikin hidup lebih hidup, lebih fulfilling... =) "

the greatest woman

One person i admire the most in this planet earth is my mom.

She's not perfect at all. She's not a business woman, she even can't do business. She's kinda ceweret... well, you know... most moms make lots of fuss about lots of stuff. She's not a social type kind of person, she likes to stay home. But in spite of all her weaknesses, i have found many admirable strengths.

She's the manager of our household. Without her, we all will go astray... As far as i recall, she's rarely got sick. Even when she was sick, she was still strong enough to take care of us. She's never pitied herself and asked for attention. Although she doesn't have business mind, she's very smart. She learns things quick. Hmm.. that's where i got my smart brain from huh? =P During the tough times in life, especially marriage life, she has been strongly persevere... She can be very patient and in control of herself. She knows when my dad was not in the mood, and when she should talk to him. Sometimes she got upset at him and say wrong things too, but well... not everybody perfect right?

She shares her joy and sorrows with me, that made me realize how not easy it is to be a wife and a mom. She has never pressured me to do things i don't want to. She even isn't bothered by me still being a single, she told me to wait for the right one. I'm so grateful about this, coz most of my friends' moms have been pressuring their daughters to get married...how sad! Mom always thinks i am the prettiest girl in the whole world (uhm.. well... yah, she's absolutely right! huahuehue... =P ) She wakes up early in the morning and begins her day to do things for her family... EVERY DAY! Gee... * whisper: "would i be able to wake up that early???" *

Mom has never used expensive make-ups or treatment, coz she's naturally beautiful and youthful-looking. Thank God, i inherit that from her! =P Her sense of humor is also delightful =) she can laugh at herself, and her laughter is always contagious.

It's funny how easy to make her smile... just give her some nice flowers, kiss her, and tell her "i love you, mom!"... or i just massage her back at night while we watch TV together. she's never asked for diamond ring or golden taels, she just says to me, "Do whatever you like that makes you happy."

Thank God for my mom. I love her, and can't wait to go home soon, hug her, kiss her, and say that i love her ^_^

secret crush

a crush on another girl's boyfriend??!!! OH NOOO...

i've never liked another girl's boyfriend before, they were just unattractive anymore when i knew they had girlfriends already. but this guy... he is so... so... what should i say? he's one of a kind!

first time i met him, nothing interesting. i thought he was a quiet and no-fun guy. second time met him, he talked to me, asked me guestions about some stuff. the more i knew him, he became not what i thought he was. it turns out he is a very nice, caring, funny guy! he has this 'power' that makes me feel special, and when i am with him, i feel i can do anything coz he is very supportive.

now then... would i just steal him from his girl? =P yes, i did flirt with him several times... c'mon, he's so darn charming! anyone can say i am stupid, but i have made a decision not to steal him after all... although i know i had the chance. a big chance if i want to.

why? coz what you sow is what you reap. i don't want to make him unfaithful. if he left his girl for me, i don't think i would be able to trust him 100%... i might think: what if he did that again to ME? i imagine if i had a boyfriend, i don't want some girl steal him from me... why should i do that to others? remember the golden rule: "do unto others what you want them do unto you" ?

ihik. oh well. even though i am not a very nice goody-goody person, but i think i have a choice to the right thing here...